attend 6-12 races a year. So remember Faux King Brian, in your owns words, if a race track doesn’t sell out it’s races, they lose a race date.
Once again, we have the same problems along pit road with the teams, drivers, and NASCAR officials not rendering the proper respects to the National Anthem and our flag. That’ll fit in perfectly with one of the Presidential candidates His Royal Highness has invited to attend a race.
One of the great things about the “Wide Open Coverage” was the fact that we didn’t have to listen to Webhead as much as we usually do. Thank heavens he didn’t have to try to say Lotrimin this week. Instead he messed up Samsung calling it Samsong. And he gets paid how much to do this?
One thing I’ve noticed as being sort of odd the last couple of years is that when one of the bigger multi-car teams is set to lose a sponsor at the end of the season, they somehow manage to get front row starting positions after it‘s announced they‘re losing sponsors. I know, it’s just a coincidence. But it sure is strange.
During the pre-race coverage, it was pointed out that because practice got rained out, some of the go or go-home cars would have to change parts during the race, like oil, belts, pulleys, etc. because they still had qualifying set-ups on their cars.
Boris Said and AJ Wallbangdinger both dropped to the back on the parade laps. Both had qualifying set-ups and didn’t want to mess up their cars. Webhead said that all the go or go-homers would be praying for an early caution. When the green flag dropped, it didn’t take long for the bump drafting to start. Dale Jr. pushed his former teammate Paul Menard into the lead. By the time they’d completed the first lap, Menard held onto the lead and the first 15 cars were running single file. On Lap 3, Jon Wood went to the garage so they could change out all the qualifying parts and fluids. One of the things the Booth Buffoons were pointing out was how the cars were bouncing around on the track as compared to Talladega. Well, maybe if the track was repaved more often than every 30+ years it might be smoother like Talladega. Lap 6 saw Brian Vickers get behind Jeff Gordon and get him loose. Johnny Sauter had moved up to 3rd by Lap 7 and Vickers was running on the bottom of the track.
By Lap 11, we had a 6 car breakaway. Since Webhead likes his Hendrick boys, we were treated to hearing an in-car audio of Jeffy complaining about his car and how it handled in traffic. This was part of a Hendrick mini-love fest as the next lap bounced back and forth between the 24 and 48 cars. On Lap 17, they announced that Jon Wood had returned to the track 8 laps down on Lap 11. I’m so glad Webhead is on top of things. One of the overuse of the gimmick cams was the use of the bumper cam during the race. It was back and forth between Johnson, then Gordon, the John, then Tony, and on and on. On Lap #20, Wallbangdinger had to pit because he had a flat right front tire and hit the wall. Of course, no mention that it could be a problem with the tires. Then Mr. Magoo must’ve woken up from his nap and decided to through a caution after all after Jr. got the lead from Menard. Once everyone pitted, Shrub had the lead off of pit road. One of the aggravating things about the Wide Open Coverage was that they only showed the Top 8 off of pit road on a graphic. On Lap 23, we got to hear Webhead say Stewart was back on pit road along with Sterling Marlin and we got to see Wallbangdinger’s car on the hook going behind the wall. It was at this point that DW’s parrot interrupted the proceedings to explain camber adjustments and that this was the reason why Wallbangdinger blew a tire and became a wallbanger. Webhead interrupted things with a plug for the “Samsong” Instinct. We got a replay of Jr. pit stop and saw Sterling Marlin stop to let Jr. out. Say what you want about Sterling but I think that was some good sportsmanship on his part.
When they restarted on Lap 25, Webhead issued a correction saying Tony had only stopped once. Then on Lap 27, we heard Tony wasn’t feeling too good. He had flu-like symptoms and had been in the infield care center earlier in the day getting some IV fluids put into him. The next lap, the cars were running in two separate packs. Dave Blaney was up in 3rd. Lap 31 saw Blaney and Jr. stuck in the middle. Lap 32 saw Johnson stuck in the middle and advancing backwards. The next lap, Webhead was cheerleading for Blaney and Vickers per the Daytona Dictates that said that the Japanese manufacturer was one of the stories which would be covered. On Lap 36, Kyle Petty was talking about the down force package that Kahne and Hornish Jr. were running on there cars versus the aero package other cars were running. And here I thought the Uni-Car was supposed to eliminate all these specialty cars. Jr. got the lead from Shrub on Lap 38 and on Lap 39, there was a 5 car breakaway. Jeffy was in the Top 10 despite his handling problems. On the next lap, we got to see Tony take the high line through the corners when everyone else seemed to be going low and were informed that Kahne had moved from 41st up to 6th. Then it was time for what they called a local commercial. If these were local commercials, how come I didn’t see a single local company on it? It was all the TNT fall line up commercials. Talk about misleading.
When they returned from their misleading local commercials, McMurray had gotten into Newman and spun him out which brought out Caution #2. We got the normal pit stops and once again Shrub got the lead off of pit road. Then it was time for some more “local commercials” which included TBS. When they interrupted the local commercials, we got to see a replay of some of the pit road action. Wally said “You’ve got to be a little bit greedy on pit road” in reference to Jimmie Johnson nearly hitting other cars on pit road. Mr. Happy stayed out trying to lead a lap but they way things worked out with the pace car, all he did was lose positions. This lead into a discussion between Webhead and Kyle about points racing and if the race ended now in reference to Tony Stewart and if JJ Yeley took over for him. On Lap 48, we got a rundown of the Top 10 from Webhead and when he got to Kenseth’s name, it sounded like he had been sucking on a lemon. Kenseth was the only Ford driver in the Top 10 at that point.
On Lap 52, they ran one of the split screen commercials which featured DW’s parrot. When the commercial was over, Kyle said “Larry looks like a vegetarian”. Did Kyle mean vegetable? The next lap, the camera coverage was all over the place going from bumper cam to roof cam back to a bumper cam and the occasional normal camera shot. This lead into a Mr. Happy Love fest from Webhead. Lap 55 saw Jr. hang Shrub out to dry and Jr. got back the lead. The next lap, we got an explanation from Kyle about tape and how hot and cold affected the engine and car performance. Wally may have had the quote of the race. He said, “These cars are just shoeboxes”. By Lap 58, the outside line was starting to come in some. In one of those scratch your head moments, they were talking about Tony but showing Kahne’s front end from Tony’s bumper cam. Lap 61 had a 3 car breakaway going on. The next lap had some audio between Jimmie and Knaus. Then we got more talk about Jimmie while they were showing Jimmie’s car then they got in a 5 car shot which met the Daytona Dictates by having both a Hendrick car and one from the Japanese manufacturer. Then it was time again for another misleading local commercial break.
When they returned on Lap 69, nothing had changed up front. As to what was happening in back it was hard to say since they really didn’t show much back there up to this point. We got to see Jr. and Mark Martin taking the same line through the corner while Jeffy went higher. The we got Caution #3 when Biffle was trying to get in front of JPM and didn’t quite have him cleared. So JPM turned Biffle into the wall. While they were under yellow, Tony got on the radio and asked to have Yeley standing by. JPM went back to the garage and Sterling got the Lucky Dog. When they left pit road, Jr. was 1st, Johnson 2nd, Shrub was 3rd, and Gordon 4th. We got to see a replay in which Jimmie almost hit Jeffy leaving his pit box. Then we got to see Tony sitting on pit road and he looked rough. No doubt about it, he was not feeling good. Then we got the restart on Lap 75. Considering how little real excitement had happened, it was time for the first of several cups of coffee.
Shrub pushed Johnson into the lead and then Shrub got hung out to dry. You had Johnson, Jr. and Jeffy all together in one shot and Webhead sounded like he was as close to sexual ecstasy as he’d ever get in the booth. Because of the driver change out, Yeley restarted in 33rd. Lap 81 had Kyle Petty explaining that Yeley was out there points racing and that Tony got the driver’s points since he started the race. Then out of the blue, Shrub ducked down below the yellow line and got passed by just about the entire field. The first thing that came out was the steering wheel wasn’t attached. Then the steering was out of alignment. Then DW’s parrot jumped in saying JGR had problems earlier in the year with their power steering and wanted a cracker. Then Kyle and Wally were discussing the situation and then DW’s parrot interrupted and said he’d put in a bigger pulley on the pump. Sort of hard to do when the car is on the track or during a pit stop. Since we’d had some almost excitement with Shrub, it was time again for the local commercials.
When they interrupted the local commercials that weren’t local, the 1st 6 cars were running single file and everyone else was running 2x2. There were 4 Chevies and one Ford and the Ford was getting bump drafted by a Dodge. Lap 95 saw Shrub fest then another Hendrick fest til Lap 100. On Lap 99, they were talking about the clear coat scheme on Jr.’s car. That idea is nothing new. They’ve been doing it on Jeffy’s car for a while. But considering the camouflage pattern, it took a lot of work to do it. On Lap 106, we heard that JPM was back on the track but we never found out what lap he actually returned on. Then Lap 108 was a return to the local commercials. When they came back on Lap 110, we had Caution #4. Elliott Sadler had a right front tire blow and he smacked the wall. No word even questioning that it could be a tire problem on the part of the tire provider or that it could be because the track hasn’t been repaved in 30+ years. The Beak got the Lucky Dog. When they came off pit road, it was Jr., Hamlin, Newman, Johnson, Jeffy, Mark Martin, Kahne, and Ragan. Then time for another local commercial and another cup of coffee.
When they returned, we got to see a replay of Gilliland’s pit stop and why he lost a lot of positions after being in the Top 5. Robby Gordon was quietly running in 10th with Menards sponsoring his car. This may have been what started some rumors earlier about Menards leaving DEI. Lap 113 was the restart. Hamlin and Jr. were side by side and the rest of the cars were running 2x2 except in the corners where some were going 3-4 wide. On Lap 188, we got to hear an in-car audio from Jeffy and it was talk about the always dreaded by fans fuel mileage. Lap 121 saw Mark Martin push Jr. into the lead and Webhead gave it his seal of approval with the cheeriness in his voice. I was wondering why they kept showing the car behind the car they were talking about with the bumper cam. This makes no sense. The we got Caution #5 on Lap 124. Jeff Burton got turned by Vickers and then it was a chain reaction from there. Gilliland bounced off the wall, Mears bounced off the wall, Newman got hit by Gilliland, it was a mess. A lot of cars cut down pit road to avoid getting caught up in it. When pit road was announced as being open, what they showed on TV was a red light blinking on the exit end of pit road. But nobody caught it or questioned it. Then it was time for another local commercial.
When they came back, it was announced Ragan had been nailed for non-complaint fueling. Boris Said (Who Said?) stayed out to get the lead and was going to try his luck on old tires. When they restarted, Boris was split by Hamlin and Jr. in short order and Jr. once again was back in the lead. Lap 130 saw Caution #6 when McMurray tried to cut in front of Vickers and got turned. Truex Jr. might have gotten a piece of it but nobody said for sure. Lap 132 had a “if the race ended now” graphic then they restarted on Lap 133. But that was for naught as we were back under caution on Lap 135. Truex Jr. turned Hamlin and he collected Newman. Wally interjected, “that this is the time of the race were they start to get more greedy”. Yeley, who started in 33rd when he took over for Stewart was up to 12th. They restarted on Lap 139 and went into an almost immediate caution Ragan got into Yeley, who saved the car, and Newman got into Burton and Mears spun by himself trying to brake and avoid the other cars.
Lap 141 saw another “if the race ended now graphic”, Jeff Burton’s car on pit road leaking fluid, and The Beak tying Shrub’s record for the most Lucky Dogs given to get back on the lead lap. Through all this mess, Jeffy had the lead, Shrub was in 2nd, Mark Martin was in 3rd, and Kahne was in 4th. When they restarted on Lap 143, Kahne’s right front tire was smoking which elicited comments from the booth about a pending wreck. And when it stopped smoking, they still said there was going to be a wreck. Lap 145 saw the first dozen cars running single file and then 2X2 back in the pack. As cautions breed cautions, we didn’t get very far til we had Caution #9. (Who Said?) Boris Said, who was sliding backwards, tried to squeeze in front of Front Row Joe but wasn’t clear and got turned into the wall. When Robby had pitted a little earlier, the wisdom of the move was questioned but his fresher tires allowed him to move up on cars with older tires. Kahne pitted on Lap 150 for 4 tires and to get the damage to his fender fixed.
Since it was under 10 laps to go, it was a single file restart. When they restarted on Lap 152, there was a close call between Ragan and Mr. Happy. Cars were going 4 wide, which is a sure invite for a big wreck. But surprisingly the Big One didn’t happen. Caution #10 did come out when Kvapil got hit by Blaney then Blaney went left, got hit by Texas Terry, Menard turned Yeley and hit the car. With the clean-up, this left us with a GWC finish. When they restarted, it was an extremely slow restart which would cause yet another problem. Jeff Gordon got turned by Cousin Carl into the infield in a similar fashion as what had happened earlier in the night to Newman which had brought out a caution. But because it was deemed safe by Mr. Magoo, who must’ve snoozed through Newman’s spin, they kept racing. Shrub and Cousin Carl were side by side. Then Mikey, Kvapil, Hornish, and Yeley wrecked which did bring out a caution. This is where some controversy came into play. The Booth Buffoons were going on about the scoring loops and the caution lights. The problem is we saw the scoring lights but nobody knew where the scoring loops were. So some folks said Cousin Carl had won it based on the fact that he was ahead when they passed the scoring loops and then other said Shrub won it because he was ahead on camera when the caution lights came on. So take your pick. When Shrub went to collect the checkered flag and take a bow, you could see at least one beer can had been tossed at the start/finish line.
We got to see a replay of the wreck, which is
unusual since the race was over and then got to
see the Victory Lane celebration. I still have to
ask as I’ve asked before, what purpose does the
Sprint girl actually serve? She doesn’t pass out
hats, she doesn’t hand the trophy over to the
winner, she doesn’t give the winner a kiss. Just
what purpose does she serve? Robby Gordon
had one of the best runs he’s had in a long time
finishing 6th. We didn’t hear much about Bowyer
during the race but he finished 9th.
Next week, it’s off to Chicagoland, which isn’t in
Chicago, for another Saturday night race on a
cookie cutter track with the also “thrilling” Uni-Car. Fire up the coffee pots and keep the No Doze coming folks. It’ll be a long, boring night.
I’m not sure how many folks are familiar with the Navy ship Mercy, but it will be spending the summer in Southeast Asia and the western Pacific providing medical assistance and treatment. Last year, the Mercy provided medical treatment to over 200,000 people. This isn’t because of some disaster, but because of a change in how our country is handling humanitarian efforts. Once again, you won’t hear about this in the lame stream media. To the men and women of the Mercy, our thanks to you in helping better the lives of those less fortunate.
Motherhood, Apple Pie, and John Wayne
Mad Mikie
Curmudgeon at Large
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