Lap 20 because of the lack of practice the teams had. It raised questions in my mind about the tires after the week’s debacle at Indy. Scott Riggs had to start at the back of the field because of an engine change. Texas Terry, who was subbing for Patrick Carpentier, was in the #10 car. Chad McCumbee was in the #45 car for Kyle Petty. One of the things mentioned by the Booth Bozos was that speeds fall off fast with the Uni-Car. While the cars were doing the parade laps, there was at least one Confederate flag visible in the infield. I’m surprised the network didn’t try to make them take it down like they did at another track earlier this year.
When the green flag dropped, Mark Martin took off and got the lead. It was interesting seeing how the cars fanned out in the Turn 1 then went down to single file or 2 wide. But we wouldn’t get very far when we got the first caution. Front Row Joe was running around the bottom and it looked like either he went up or Mr. Happy moved down and Joe got into Mr. Happy’s left rear quarter panel causing both of them to spin coming out of the Tunnel Turn. Joe said it was his fault on the radio. Since it was under caution, we got the typical dosage of yammering from the booth. We didn’t even get 4 laps into the race and they were already running a Chase for the Chumps graphic under the “if the race ended now” idiocy. 6 cars pitted under the caution. The Diversity Program poster boy had a problem with his plug wires and went a lap down. We got a trip to the cut-away car and a quick explanation on how the plug wires were checked and changed under race conditions.
They restarted on Lap 6 with Martin continuing to lead. Johnson was in 2nd. We got to see Jeffy Boy and Busch the Elder go by Gilliland. Then Newman went by Gilliland, then we saw Newman and Jr. side by side and finally Jr. passed Newman. On the next lap, we saw Mr. Happy go by Bow Wow Bowyer. Then in what seems to be a new tradition for him, Busch the Elder got loose and spun by himself on the front straight. Once he stopped, he drove against the direction of the race traffic and entered pit road and pitted. 8 cars also pitted under this caution. Then we got some talk about the Diversity Program poster boy and saw a repeat of the fire from the previous Pocono race. Martin was still leading, Johnson was 2nd, Jeffy Boy 3rd, Gilliland was 4th, and Newman was 5th. They restarted on Lap 12 and Vickers and Hamlin both were trying to go low and pass on the inside for 8th place. Lap 13 saw Jeffy trying to pass Gilliland and Newman passing them both. We’d see a lot of single car passes until we got to Lap 17 when they ran “The Biggest Movers” graphic. They were talking about Jeff Burton, but instead of showing his car, we got to see the back end of Bobby Labonte’s car from Burton’s roof cam. Then on Lap 18, we heard that the co-owner of Motormouth Motorsports was having engine problems and was running in 43rd position. Then they cut to Newman and Jr. and went into a mini Hendrick cheerleading session showing the inside of the car and the outside. After all, we’ve got to cover the Daytona Dictates or else Faux King Brian might be in need of his royal binky and have a hissy fit. Because of the Lap 1 Caution, the competition caution was moved to Lap 21. Kasey Kahne went by Newman for 4th and then the Competition Caution came out. We got to see some pit stops. Johnson and Shrub took 2 tires and moved up their positions. When they came off pit road, Johnson was leading; Kenseth was 2nd, Jeffy in 3rd, Biffle in 4th, and Shrub in 5th. Since we had had some excitement with a spin and watch single cars pass each other, it was time for some commercials.
When they interrupted the commercials on Lap 24, we got a trivia question. Too bad Benny’s not around to cue the duck anymore. The co-owner of Motormouth Motorsports stayed out to lead a lap. Then they restarted on Lap 25. We got a bunch of gimmick shots from roof cams and bumper cams showing Shrub, Newman, Jr. Hamlin, and Jeffy. Then we got an in-car audio of Johnson talking about a bug splattered on his windshield and the master caster setting. Lap 29 saw Shrub sliding backwards a bit after he got loose in the Tunnel Turn which led into the Shrub Show for a couple of laps per the Daytona Dictates covering JGR and the Japanese manufacturer. By Lap 31, Johnson and Mark Martin were pulling away from 3rd place Kenseth. On the next lap, Crusty spoke from the infield outhouse saying that the Uni-Car was rough on tires. Since we got to see a bunch of trick camera shots and some in-car audio, it was time to return to commercial.
When the commercials were interrupted, we got a motorsports calendar graphic which blocked the whole screen. Nothing much had changed position-wise on the track, only Johnson and Martin had pulled further away from Kenseth. On Lap 36, we were informed that Gilliland was having vibration problems that came and went. The next couple of laps went into the Hamlin cheerleading per the Daytona Dictates. Then we were informed that the co-owner of Motormouth Motorsports had taken his car to the garage. After this it was a Shrub mini-fest which led into another Hendrick fest with split screens of the 88 and 24 showing the insides and outsides of the cars. The Hendrick Fest was interrupted when the Booth Bozos mentioned that the #28 car had a 6 race sponsorship deal. Then back into Shrub Fest for the next couple of laps before they interrupted it with commercials.
When the commercials were rudely interrupted, we had a Top 10 run down and then went back to commercial programming. When they broke into the race again, cars were making green flag pit stops. After everything shook out through the pit stops, Mark Martin still had the lead and this led into a couple of laps of the Mark Martin TV Marathon then back to another bunch of commercials. When they came back from the commercials, not much had changed. Mark Martin had a 5.5 second lead. Anything more than a 4 second lead normally leads to an appearance by Ms. Terry DeBris unless it’s one of Faux King Brian’s Chosen Ones. We got more mandated coverage of the Hendrick cars, some talk about Mr. Happy since he was recovering nicely from his earlier spin, and then we got Caution #3 for debris in the Tunnel Turn. The Booth Bozos were quick to say it looked like debris from somebody’s brake ducts when it looked more like spring rubbers or “marbles”. We got to see some pit stops and then returned to another abundance of commercials. When the commercials were interrupted, we were treated to the in-race reporter then the restart on Lap 71. We got to see the cars going 3 wide in the short chute and back straight and 4 wide on the front straight. Cousin Carl had the lead and he and Kahne were 2/10ths of a second ahead of 3rd place. Then it was back to commercial once again.
Skip ahead to when they were in the normal commercial programming at Lap 89 and the appearance of Ms Terry DeBris for Caution #4. Ah yes, Faux King Brian’s “Back to Basics” program. Ms DeBris was rumored to be dressed up as the Liberty Bell, but as they didn’t bother showing it, we’ll never know for sure. The beneficiaries of Caution #4 were Hendrick and JGR cars. More gimmick shots, two car shots, and mandatory coverage. Jump ahead to Lap 97 and the first mention of rain in the area. On Lap 102, Cousin Carl’s crew chief was telling him to catch Johnson because of the approaching rain. Laps 103-106 were another mini Shrub Fest. They returned to commercial programming on Lap 107 and while they were away, Cousin Carl passed Johnson. When they returned to the track, they talked briefly about the race in Montreal and how they’d used rain tires and how well they’d performed. I seem to recall a couple of years ago when DW’s parrot said they didn’t have any rain tires. Laps 113-114 were a mini-Hendrick cheerleading session. Then off to commercial on Lap 118.
Lap 119 started a round of green flag pit stops. Just before going to commercial on Lap 123, they had a shot of Cousin Carl squeegee his window in the Busch race at Montreal. When they came back from commercial, they had a shot from the flag stand showing showers in the distance and eventually brought out the caution flag for Caution #5. Cousin Carl said there wasn’t enough rain to cause the race to be cancelled. 19 cars stayed out on the track while the rest pitted. Then they went to the Infield Outhouse for some blabbering about the rain and weather. They cut to the roof cam of Mears car to show the rain, and then red flagged the race because of rain on the back straight on Lap 131. Then it was time to fill in the rain delay with driver, crew chief interviews, and speculation on whether or not anyone could make it on one more pit stop. We got a “if the race ended now“ graphic for the Chase for the Chumps, second guessing from the Booth Bozos and the Infield Outhouse on 2 more pit stops being needed, and DJ saying the race surface was worn out. It couldn’t be any more worn out than Daytona which hasn’t been repaved in 30+ years. When they finally went back to yellow, Sam Hornish’s car needed to be pushed by a wrecker to get it started. Several cars hit the pits before they restarted on Lap 134.
When they restarted Kahne pulled away from Kenseth. The next two laps, Kenseth lost several positions to Hamlin and Mark Martin. Lap 137 saw Caution #7 for a wreck between Front Row Joe and Paul Menard. Then it was back to commercial programming on the next lap. When they broke back into the race, they were still running caution laps which were helping stretch out the fuel for several teams who said they could make it to the end on one more pit stop. They restarted on Lap 145 and the next Lap the Diversity Program driver’s engine blew up. Even though there was oil on the track, NA$CAR didn’t throw a caution. It seems a bit of a contradiction after Mafia Mike talking at Indy about driver safety. Especially since oil and water don’t mix too well. Kahne was still leading with Hamlin, Martin, Biffle, and Busch the Elder following. Several drivers complained about the oil on the track according to the Booth Bozos, but once again, driver safety took a back seat to getting the race finished before it got rained out.
We also got some more mandated coverage watching Johnson and Jr. , Shrub and Jeffy, plus Cousin Carl and The Beak. God forbid the Japanese manufacturer doesn’t get their $93 million worth of exposure. On Lap 153, Stewart and Shrub both scrubbed the wall. Lap 155 started another round of green flag pit stops. Whatever the pit strategy was for Busch the Elder, it didn’t pay off as he ran out of gas on Lap 161. Two laps later, Sorenson ran out of gas. Jeff Burton got hit for an uncontrolled tire penalty during his stop. We got a nice shot of a rainbow and then returned to commercial programming.
When the broke from commercials on Lap 172, we got another motorsports calendar covering the whole screen. When they did show the cars on the track, Kahne had resumed the lead through the pit stops cycling through which lead into some more Hendrick cheerleading per the Daytona Dictates. On Lap 179, we were “treated” to a fuel window graphic along with comments and more second guessing from the Infield Outhouse. Lap 184 started some more green flag pit stops with Kenseth starting them off, then Kahne on the next lap, then Martin on the following lap. On Lap 189, they were talking about Cousin Carl while showing Johnson’s car. Talk about a mixed message. Two laps later, they were showing Kenseth and Jr. going back and forth then broke into some talk about the Chase for the Chumps. Lap 193 was some in-car audio from Cousin Carl and his crew chief telling Carl to save some fuel in case there was a GWC finish. This lead into a lot of second guessing from the Booth Bozos and the Infield Outhouse about how Carl had a 5 second lead and could afford to slow down and that it was also too late for him to save any fuel. Lap 195 was more mandated coverage going back and forth between Stewart in the Japanese manufacturer’s car and Johnson in his Hendrick car. Anyone get the feeling there’s a quota on these mandated shots that has to be met? Lap 196, they had another fuel window graphic then a split screen of Cousin Carl and Jack Roush on top of Cousin Carl’s pit box. By Lap 198, Cousin Carl had built up a 5 second lead, which is normally the signal for Ms Terry DeBris to make an appearance, but alas, she didn’t show. She must’ve left with a lot of the fans who
disappeared during the red flag period. 31 cars
were on the lead lap and Shrub had to pit as he
was out of fuel.
On the final lap, there was a lot of second
guessing and comments from the Booth Bozos
on whether or not Cousin Carl was going to
make it on the final lap. Shrub had stalled at the
end of pit road, which in theory, should’ve called
for a caution. Cousin Carl made it across the
finish line with fuel to spare. Johnson, Jeffy Boy,
and Jr. all ran out of fuel approaching the finish
line. As the race had run over its allotted time,
they were in a hurry to get in an interview with
Cousin Carl. But they had to wait and showed
us Mears pushing Jeffy back to pit road, then a Chase for the Chumps graphic, and The Beak being pushed by a tow truck. They didn’t spend much time with Cousin Carl but had to show the “caught in the headlights” Sprint girl in Victory Lane. Whatever the experimental set-up was on Cousin Carl’s car, it appears to have worked, so don’t be surprised if they try it on all the Roush cars when they head to another oval track.
The next race is at Watkins Glen and after the win by road course ringer Ron Fellows at Montreal, don’t be surprised if a road course ringer wins at The Glen.
I want to send some thanks out to the Disabled American Veterans in helping out veterans who have been disabled through the years and giving them assistance in getting their disability rights for the sacrifices they’ve made for our country. So to the DAV, many thanks.
Motherhood, Apple Pie, and John Wayne
Mad Mikie
Curmudgeon at Large
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