out my coffee when Alan Bestwick said “There are 135,000 seats here and most of them were full“. Three large sections covered with advertising banners and some obviously empty seats in the turns make you wonder if maybe somebody needs some glasses.
Tony Raines was in the #70 again this week along with Ken Schrader back in the #96. The Tasmanian Devil (Isn’t he so cute? Latest Little Debbie commercial) was in the #21 car for the Wood Brothers. Michael McDowell was in the Double Nothing again this weekend. If not for minor slip-ups on the track near some of the play-off contenders or favorites, you’d never have even known they were there because of the coverage.
The Invocation sounded more like an infomercial for the race. It’s supposed to be a prayer, not another way to plug the sponsors. The National Anthem, while not tonally offensive, still didn’t do it justice. Once again, along pit road during the National Anthem, the Burton family was doing the right thing with their hands over their hearts. Jimmie Johnson had his hand over his heart. It’s too bad that someone with a branch of our armed forces as a sponsor didn’t do the same.
Jeff Gordon got the pole with his future teammate Mark Martin on the outside. Martin Truex Jr. was the in-race reporter and wouldn’t be called upon much during the course of the race. One thing mentioned during the course of the race was that Motormouth Motorsports had a new generation of Uni-Car on the track and it was proving their performance.
When the green flag dropped, Jeff Gordon took off and Mark Martin dropped back. Gordon, Hamlin, and Biffle were running single file. We didn’t get very far when Busch the Elder brought out the Caution Flag on Lap #2. David Gilliland got loose, went up the track, and caught the rear quarter panel of Busch turning him into the wall. Since we had some excitement, it was time for the first round of commercials. When the commercials were interrupted, the race restarted on Lap 6. On Lap 8, we got to see Jr. pass Shrub and some empty seats in Turns 1 & 2. Laps 11 and 12 saw Biffle, Kenseth, and McMurray pass their former Roush teammate Mark Martin. Then we got Caution #2 when Patrick Carpentier spun himself out. It was going to be a long day for Patrick. In the process of spinning, Cousin Carl got some cosmetic damage from Carpentier on the driver’s side of the car. Biffle pitted because of handling problems and Stewart also pitted and while they didn’t say why, we can only guess for the same reasons. And since we had the excitement of a spin and an almost wreck, it was time again to resume the commercials.
When they decided to set aside the commercials, we got some in-car audio from Cousin Carl talking about the damage on his car. The best indication that the damage was minor was when we heard his crew chief say, “I can still see the paint on the tire”. When the green flag dropped, Jeff Gordon was still leading. Elliot Sadler was running high on the track which elicited comments from the Booth Buffoons. On Lap 19, we got to see Burton pass Sadler. On the next lap, we got to see Jr. pass Bow Wow Bowyer, then a group shot of Jr., Bowyer, The Beak, and Shrub on the track and the next 3 laps were spent talking about The Beak and his recent performance and The Beak passed Bowyer. Then it was back to Jeff Gordon on Lap 23 and a shot of Newman and Raines racing each other. On the next lap, we got to see McMurray (McMary for you BP fans) pass Kenseth. The next lap was a shot of Hamlin, McMurray, and Kenseth. Lap 26 showed Burton, Raines, and Mr. Happy before cutting back to McMurray passing Hamlin. Then we got 3 laps of McMurray, Hamlin, and Kenseth before seeing McMurray and Jeffy racing each other on Lap 30. McMurray passed Jeffy on the outside on Lap 31 and since we had seen a pass for the lead, it was time for another bout of commercials.
Once the commercials had run their course, we were on Lap 37. McMurray was still leading. We got to see Cousin Carl on the next lap then Biffle and Mr. Happy on the following lap. On Laps 41 & 42, we got to see the Busch the Elder’s car and the missing TV panel. This brought a few comments on how this would reduce air pressure under the car and improve performance from Andy Petree. It must’ve done something because Busch had restarted 42nd after his earlier spin and was running in 26th. The next 3 laps were devoted to McMurray and the following 3 were devoted to Jr. and Bowyer. Then it was off to Jimmie Johnson and an in-car audio from his crew chief about Jr. running on the high side of the track. Then it was back to Bowyer and Jr. with Bowyer passing Jr. On Lap 50, it was Bowyer, Jr., and Truex Jr. then Jr. and Truex Jr. before cutting to Tony Stewart on Lap 51. We got two laps of mandated coverage for the Japanese manufacturer before seeing Biffle, Newman, and Burton. Biffle had moved up to 13th after his early pit stop. Then we went back to Jr. before going back to commercial.
When they resumed coverage of the race on Lap 61, McMurray was still leading and the Infield Outhouse had to weigh in with their comments. Once again, we didn’t get very far from the commercials when Caution #3 came out. Front Row Joe had a flat tire and hit the wall. Noticeably absent was any speculation on why the tire went flat or a replay to show any action which could’ve caused the tire to go flat. Obviously ESPN doesn’t want to rock the boat on the possibility that the tires could be defective as the right side tires were new for this track. Elliott Sadler shot himself in the foot as he was the Lucky Dog but got caught speeding on pit road along with Hamlin. Kenseth got the lead off of pit road, Gordon came out second, and Martin was 3rd. McMurray dropped back to 5th. In an effort to bolster the performance of the teams in the play-offs, Jack Roush had crew members shifted around from team to team to try to give the play-off teams a better crew at the cost of McMurray who wasn’t in the play-offs. Nothing much of major significance would happen for a while.
After returning from commercial on Lap 110, the Infield Outhouse did their usual commentary with Crusty saying the tires were falling off. On Lap 114, Kenseth was having a tough time passing Robby Gordon to lap him which made Crusty make the comment, “He’s (Robby) has to be conscious of the fact that that’s one of the Chasers behind him”. Like Robby should just roll over and let himself get lapped because a play-off contender is coming up on him. Once again, nothing of major significance til Lap 142 when an in-car from Shrub was played saying that the car was blowing up. On the next lap, Jr. had a cut tire causing him to spin and bringing out Caution #4. The 18 was smoking while they were running caution laps and we heard another in-car audio saying “It’ll probably blow up after the restart”. Then it was time for pit stops before returning to Commercial-Land.
Once the passports to Commercial-Land were revoked, we’d spend several laps with the cut-away car, Shrub’s car smoking, second guessing, mandated coverage as JGR and Shrub are mandated coverage stories, before they restarted on Lap 149. On Lap 150, we got to see a good example of just how much oil Shrub was laying down as Jr.’s car was slipping around on the track as he came up behind Shrub. We’d get Caution #5 and not much excitement until Caution #6 came out when McMurray went outside of Robby Gordon to pass him and spun, collecting both of them. Once they restarted, not much else happened until Sam Hornish lost his TV panel (bumper cover is what the analysts called it) and brought out Caution #7.While they were at commercial, Shrub went to the garage and the speculation was that the engine finally blew. Cousin Carl’s crew was shown cleaning up the oil from Shrub’s car on pit road. Then we were informed that his teammate, Denny Hamlin, was having problems with his rear end leaking grease. Then it was back to the garage area and Shrub ignoring Jamie Little as he went to his hauler before going to commercial.
When they returned, we got a full screen Chase Graphic and an explanation of how the points were affected because of Shrub falling out, yada yada yada. When they restarted on Lap 179, Kenseth shot away from the field before we got 4 laps of Jeffy Boy, more mandated coverage as Hendrick is one of the stories that will be covered by the Daytona dictates. Things would continue until Lap 186 when Sam Hornish spun. Casey Mears got the Lucky Dog, and his only mention of the day, and McMurray returned to the track. We got a race recap from the Infield Outhouse and got to see some pit stops. Johnson and Newman stayed out to get track position while the rest of the cars pitted. Then it was time yet again for more commercials.
When the commercials were disturbed, we had missed the restart. So to make up for it, we got 13 laps of mandated coverage plus an interview with The Shrub and found out he broke a valve. Then a Chase Graphic, a shot of Johnson’s car, and back to commercials. When they returned on Lap 217, Johnson was still leading. We got to see Cousin Carl and get an in-car audio, then another mandated shot, then got to see Carl pass The Beak, Biffle pass Hamlin, and heard about fluids coming out of Hamlin’s car. Then it was back to Johnson with the Booth Buffoons saying Johnson needed a caution and how long could he last on old tires. Then off again for another batch of commercials.
When they returned on Lap 234, we got to see Jeffy & Carl, then Jeffy, Carl, and Tony Raines. Two laps later, Cousin Carl passed Jeffy. Then we had the start of some green flag pit stops. This ran through Lap 255 when we got a split screen of Carl on the track and Hamlin’s car in the garage. Andy Petree commented “It finally quit leaking” in reference to the leaking rear end of Hamlin’s car. Then we got a shot of Tony, Carl and it was off to another plethora commercials.
When they returned, more pit stops were taking place. We got a gimmick shot from Truex Jr.’s car when he was pulling out of his pit showing his pedals. The Infield Outhouse interrupted on Lap 273 to yammer some more about Johnson, his lead, his tires, gas situation, and kept going with this for 4 laps before they cut to Carl and returned to another bounty of commercials. When they came back, it was a continuation of where they’d left off with Johnson. With the way they were going on, you’d think they were cheerleading for him. Nah, the ABC commentators wouldn’t do that now would they? We got some more mandated coverage of the Diversity Driver and had Caution #9 come out with Andy Petree saying “There’s the caution Jimmie Johnson needed”. Nah, they’re not cheerleading. Then there were some pit stops and off to commercials.
The Infield Outhouse wasn’t at a loss for words when we were informed that the track trucks had been out on the track for none other than Ms Terry DeBris in Turn 3, this week dressed up as The Monster of The Monster Mile. But of course, no camera was there to catch her in her costume. Then we got another Chase Graphic with the “if the race ended now” plot line with it. On the restart, Johnson was unable to pull away from Carl or Biffle. On Lap 300, Johnson, Carl, and Biffle went 3 wide. Biffle went high and got the lead on the outside on Lap 301. Then the 3 Roush Boys hooked up and started leaving Johnson behind. Not much else was going on until both Busch the Elder and Sam Hornish Jr. got black flagged because of parts falling off of their cars. On Lap 315, the Commentating Clowns said that Biffle had a flat tire and Cousin Carl was catching him. Then we got to see Cousin Carl by himself, Mr. Happy and Jeffy, then Martin and Kenseth. On the next lap, Martin passed Kenseth. Then it went back to Cousin Carl and Biffle before going back to commercial programming.
Since the coverage emphasis was on commercials, we got to see a replay of Cousin Carl passing Biffle for the lead while they were trying to pitch something we didn’t need. On Lap 327, we saw Biffle, then Martin and heard from the Commentating Clowns about Mark Martin being 50 and his physical fitness. Good for Mark after the back problems he had. Then they flip-flopped between shots of Carl, Biffle, Martin, and Mr. Happy before heading back to commercial.
When a race broke out, we got a full screen Chase Schedule for the remaining races. Then it was a roof cam shot from Truex Jr.’s car, Martin catching Carl, and then an in-car audio from Kenseth saying the adjustments killed his car. Then Caution #10 came out when the Diversity Program Driver hit the wall from a possible cut tire. We got a replay of that, some pit stops, a caution lap, another Chase graphic, interviews with 4 crew chiefs, and then a double file restart. The Beak pitted outside of the box and got a 1 lap penalty. Ouch! When they restarted on Lap 355, you could really see some of the empty seats around the track. By Lap 358, Cousin Carl was pulling away. 3 RCR cars were running in the Top 10 on Lap 360 and were noted by the Booth Buffoons. On the next lap, Biffle got by Martin. Cousin Carl and Kenseth had pulled away from Biffle and we got a couple of laps worth of praise of Kenseth before we saw a replay of Blaney, Stewart, and the co-owner of Motormouth Motorsports and a close call they had then 3 laps of gimmick shots from Tony’s car.
Biffle was starting to catch up on Kenseth and
Cousin Carl and by Lap 372, Biffle was on their
rear ends. Biffle would go low, then high,
Kenseth would go low then finally on Lap 377,
Kenseth passed Carl for the lead. While this
battle was going on, Mark Martin was catching
up to them. Biffle went low and would catch up
to Kenseth in the corners but couldn’t pass him.
Then it was 10 laps of Biffle and Kenseth. Biffle
would go high and Kenseth would cut him off.
Biffle went low and got cut off. Finally on Lap
392, Biffle passed Kenseth for the lead.
Meanwhile, Martin had caught up to Cousin Carl
and Johnson was catching up to Martin. Biffle
had to navigate through lapped traffic causing
the Commentating Clowns to say that Kenseth and Cousin Carl were catching him. By Lap 397, Biffle was putting on some distance between himself and Kenseth and Jr. had gone 3 laps down in 24th place. Biffle had enough distance between himself and Kenseth that he was able to take the checkered flag without being contested for the win. On an in-car audio, we heard “The best driver, best car, and best pit crew won the race”. During an interview with The Cat in the Hat, Jack was worried that the 3 cars would take each other out but he was happy with the finish. Jack’s big worry is Martinsville and Talladega where they haven’t had much luck. Next week it’s off to Kansas and a cookie cutter track with the cookie cutter cars.
And a tip of the hat to the folks at the flight test centers at Edwards Air Force Base and Pax River for the jobs they do testing out new aircraft and developing them.
Motherhood, Apple Pie, and John Wayne
Mad Mikie
Curmudgeon at Large
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